I have been overweight for my entire life. I have been up and down and all around. After two babies within in 14 months, I am at my highest weight ever at 310 pounds. I feel disgusted with myself and attach all of my emotions and self-esteem to the way I look. I fear that if I don't do anything about it now then I will forever feel unattractive and worthless. I am determined to get down to a healthy weight which is extremely important at this point in my life. I have had two C-Sections now and I know that if I don't get my weight down I will be forced to endure another C-Section when we decide to have our third child. I want to do all that I can to get my body in shape and healthy as well as my mind so that I will have the best chance of bringing a 3rd and hopefully 4th child in the world without mutilating my body with more surgery. I don't think that I can stand the idea of having another C-Section and am determined to do everything in my power to prepare my body for the rest of my life. It is going to be so hard for me as I have an intense relationship with food. It is always there for me.. it never makes fun of me.. it always makes me feel good.... and it it never ever lets me down. Needless to say, I am an extreme emotional eater. If I've had a bad day then you better believe that I believe that I deserve some kind of treat. I must admit that I am pretty good at eating vegetable, fruits, and an array of healthy foods.. However, I always eat in bigger than needed portions and I always seem to have to sneek a treat or an unhealthy snack in there.
It's time for me to get my emotions in control so that I can control my weakness of relying on food. I have always known what I have needed to do to be healthy but I have always lacked the motivation and endurance to continue. I can't tell you how many times I have started something but have never finished. I don't want to go through this life feeling like I can accomplish so many different things but never what I have really wanted to. It is time for me to take control of my life and get it back on to the right track. I know it's going to be so hard and I will probably spend many nights crying and trying to give up.. but I refuse. I will not stand down. This is my life and I refuse to let it slip through my hands. I will not give up and I will keep on trying. I hope that you will share in my triumphs and my hard times in this journey of mine. I know that I need someone to be accountable to or I will not be able to do it. So I hope that in time I will have readers out there to cheer me on and help me keep plugging along. I will weigh in every Friday morning... It can be my Fat Free Friday.. hopefully every Friday I will be free of even more fat on this weighed down body of mine. I have some good ideas of things that will help me get all of this under control... I will post more later.
